Spring's On Its Way...( I Hope)

Well its the 2nd day of March and I have spring fever and it's trying to snow outside.  I have been on the road since the end of January when I went down for Bailey's birthday and was there 2 1/2 weeks.  Mary was released from the Care Center and it's too long a story to tell here, Jenna and I ended up taking care of her at Jenna's house.  She is doing better but she won't get up and move around and by now she should be back to almost normal.  I am worried that her muscles will atrophy as she just sits and lets the care nurses take care of her every need.

Bailey invited Kamryn and Lauren to go with her on a horseback ride for her birthday followed by evening swimming.  It was a fun weekend.  I am so glad Troy and Maggie came down and let Kamryn share the day with Bailey.  I can't believe Bailey is 7.  She loves school and crafts and has a little spunk.  As a mother it might drive me crazy, but she won't let anyone push her around.

I stayed to take Mary to two dr. appointments and then it was Presley's 3rd birthday.  She had a Minnie Mouse birthday party that was really cute.  Neil, Laurie and Lauren came so she had a special evening.  Presley is full of life and such a fun little monkey.  She is my buddy and I really enjoy her.  I had to come home so I missed Gunnar's birthday on the 11th.  Gunnar turned 9 on the 11th - can you believe it?  He's 9... he is so smart and such a good little boy.  I felt bad, but I had been gone for 2 1/2 weeks.

I went to Thatcher on the 19th of February for Tanner's 2nd birthday and stayed for a week.  Tanner is a cute little guy.  He didn't feel good starting Sunday, Maggie found out later he had strep throat.  He doesn't talk much, but boy is he busy.  He is a full time kid.  I just barely got home and it's time to go again for Trentin's birthday.  I am going to miss Callie's birthday this year.  I told Jenna and Maggie that they are going to have to combine Trentin and Callie's birthday because I can't be in 2 places at one time.

After Trentin's birthday, it will be Dad's birthday and then I have a break until May, HOORAY!

The kids are doing well in school and I couldn't be more proud of them.  They are smart, funny, fun, sweet, and I love every minute of them.

Ryker is home!  He spent the night with me on Wednesday and I loved having him.  I am so glad Chelsea is back.  Chelsea is pregnant and due in May and she says she will be here until then.

Tad is getting married in May and just started his new job with Empire today.  I hope it goes good for him.  He really loves Stormy and she seems crazy about him, too.

Little Cade is such a chunk...Maggie's chubbiest baby.  He is a good baby.  He is 4 1/2 months old - growing every day!  Callie is walking and will be 1 in a few days.  The last year has flown by and I am so grateful for every minute of every day with my family and friends.

I am going to California with Jenna and Weston during spring break - the kids are excited.  I went a couple of years ago and it was fun.  I know Brinley and Presley will love the princesses and the little kid areas.

I need to blog more often.  One day I need to print my blog stuff.  Life is busy and I love it.

The Golden Years

Time marches on and I am seeing Mary, my Dad and my Mom all starting to age, to get frail and become "little old people".  It breaks my heart because I know the time with them is so very short and I am not ready to let them go.

Mary had a fall last week and was taken by ambulance to the hospital where she was treated for a gash on her arm and her back is very sore.  They were concerned about a possible fracture.  She has been moved to a care center until she can get around on her own a little more.  Velda has been trying to get her into a "home" for over a year.  Mary doesn't want to go.  I know she is lonely there in the Valley, but I have seen so many people go downhill so fast once they have to leave their home and give up their independence, I don't want that for her.  Mary says she is "ready to go"...we're not - she will be 84 in May.

My dad has failing eye sight and arthritis is crippling his hands.  I know this is so frustrating for him. He used his hands every day of his life to make a living, to garden, to hunt, to fish, to woodcraft.  His failing eye sight has limited his ability to see clearly the tape measure, to read and do the things he has always done.  A couple of years ago he made some rocking horses and some of the grandkids got them for their own kids.  He made some little oak jewelry boxes for each of the granddaughters.  I hope they treasure them.  Time will come when he can't do that anymore.  He told me the other day he isn't planting a big garden this year.  He can't do it on his own.  We all say we will help but we don't come through when he needs it.  Daddy will be 82 in March.

My mom is has either dementia or Alzheimers and neither one is pleasant.  Her memory is failing her and I have seen a marked difference in the past year.  There are times she has a look of fear on her face when she doesn't know where she is or if we leave her sight.  I take her with me to Josh Ranch to get her out and to give Dad a break.  After spending the day talking about the same things, answering the same questions, having her express her gratitude for being able to go, I laugh and I cry.  It breaks my heart that she's leaving us.

We took her to the dr. yesterday with bowel problems and Dr. Hamblin asked before he even started the exam, "what do you want to do?"... if there were tumors or cancer what would we want to do?  Mom said I want to do nothing.  There were no obvious tumors or cancer or blockage according to the X-ray, so three doses of Miralax later she finally had two good bowel movements and that part was feeling better.  When asked what we could do about the memory loss, his answer was "sometime's it's best to let nature take it's course."  He said he could give her something to see if it would slow it some, but her body is frail.  Frailty is a bigger killer than any other disease."  Mama will be 78 this October.

The golden years haven't been what any of us envisioned for Mary, Dad or Mom.  Health issues, losing a spouse, financial worries, family problems and issues.  That's just not what they thought they would be facing at this age.

I don't feel any older, somewhere my body/mind thinks I am 40ish...I turned 60 on the 2nd of January and I feel blessed to be as healthy as I am.  I have lost two classmates in the past couple of years and for some of us the time is shorter than for others.  I hope and pray that I can be here till I turn 90 - but only if I'm healthy enough to not be burden to my kids.

The golden years have lost their shine but I am grateful for every single year I have.

Fall Back...

Well this fall has been busy again.  I did the jamboree, half-assed the trophy elk contest, cooked for Van, spent a day or two at home and here it is Thanksgiving week.  Tad started working in Morenci in September but found out Saturday that Corfab lost their contract with the mine so he will be out of a job December 31.  He has some options, none of which he is thrilled about, but he does have some options.  He has Ryker for three weeks; he had him last week, I have him this week and Tad has him again next week.  Ryker is such a special little guy.  Right this second he his hanging around my neck.  I am going to Maggie's for Thanksgiving.  I really should stay home and get ready for Christmas.  I am excited about Christmas so I want it to be fun.

The kids are all growing and doing so well; Gunnar is smart and loves 3rd grade - his favorite subjects are math and science.  Kamryn is blooming in 2nd grade - she even tried out for a singing part in a school play, I hope she gets it.  Bailey loves anything about school and is doing really well.  Trenton is a good student and is a sports nut.  Trenton and Bailey are both in 1st grade.

Chelsea lives in California so our time with Cache is zero again.  He is in kindergarten this year and I am so happy she didn't try to home school him.  Cache will turn 6 in December.  Brinkley turned 4 in August with the most fun Frozen party ever.  All of the girls loved it.  Ryker turned 3 in July with a Turbo party here and then we partied again in Safford.  Presley turned 2 in February and is as tall as Brinley.  Those two little girls are a hand full.  Callie is almost 9 months old and wants to be on the move - I expect her to start walking soon.

Cade Alan Lewis was born on Monday, October 13th.  He was due Halloween and I really wanted him to be born on Don's birthday but he had other plans and showed up early.  Tanner has had some adjusting to do and isn't sure they should keep the baby.  He was the baby and wasn't ready to give that place up.  Cade reminds me of Trentin and Ryker.  He is a sweet little guy.  Jenna and I drove to Thatcher to surprise Maggie the weekend before Cade turned 2 weeks old.  I didn't get to go when he was born because I was cooking.  I cried off and on all day long because I felt so bad about missing his birthday.  Tad left work and went and stayed at the hospital with Maggie until Troy could get back from Phoenix and then went and stayed with the kids all night and left at 4:00 so he could get back to work.

I have been cooking since September - not as many hunts this year and will do one in December to help me through Christmas.  I am grateful for the work opportunities and grateful I was taught to work hard.

I have started working for Weston as scheduler for estimating.  It is a good job I can do from just about anywhere.  I appreciate all of the help and support I get from my kids.

I love Thanksgiving - the one holiday where nothing is expected but good food and good company.  I am truly grateful for all of my many blessings and know that it is only through my Heavenly Father that these blessings come.

35, and Yes, I'm Still Counting

The number 35 in itself doesn't make me think of old, young, or whatever.  But it is a significant number today.  Thirty five years ago today Damara died.  I remember being absolutely heartbroken when Don called the hospital and asked how she did during the night.  I remember wanting to curl up in a ball and die, too. We waited so long to have her.  She was here such a short time.  In their efforts to "protect and help"  our parents took over and there are so many things I regret that I didn't get to do.  I didn't get to hold her all the way home.  I didn't get to go to the mortuary and make arrangements, I got to go when they said I could go to the viewing.  I got to mindlessly do things, eat this, go there, stay here, etc. I know our parents thought they were helping and they did, but I didn't get to have my time with her.  I look at her tiny dress she wore home from the hospital, I see her little mask she wore at St. Joseph's Hospital and if I shut my eyes and think really hard, I can hear her groans, I can still smell her.  She had a sweet smell.  I miss my Grandma Gillliam. She called a lot and asked how I was.  She always knew when it was a bad day.  I miss her.  I love her.

Today I celebrate little Ryker's 3rd birthday and recall being there when he was born and the pure love that Tad has for him.  My heart breaks that Tad and Chelsea are not together raising Ryker and Cache and I don't understand why Tad has had so much sadness in his life.  The one true joy in his life is Ryker.  That kids lights up the room no matter where he is.  He is loved and cherished.

Sad, happy, joy, heartbreak, hope, discouragement...yep, I've felt it all today.  Today is a good day.  Today is a part of my eternity.  One day soon I will see my sweet baby and hold her again and have my time with her.  Until then I still count.

Goose Bumps

Jenna, Maggie and Troy and all of the kids but Gunnar were here last week.  The kids had their scrapbooks out looking at them and then they pulled Maggie and Jenna's books out.  Presley who turned 2 in February, opened Jenna's book to a page with Don and Jenna and said "that's my Grandpa."  I looked at Jenna and then she said "what?"  Presley said "that's my Grandpa."

 I know she has never seen that picture before or would remember it.  The last time they were here was in November; Pres couldn't talk that good and we didn't have all of the albums out.  She knew what she knew and there's no explaining it.  Ryker was on my mind two or three times Sunday.  On Monday I was sweeping near the front door when he was on my mind again.  My cell phone rang, it was Tad and he said "Ryker will be here this afternoon."  There's no explaining it.  Callie lays on the floor or looks over your shoulder and smiles big.  Who does she see?  She sees someone she loves and knows.  I think the veil is thinner than we think and it gives me goosebumps.  I know that I have had thoughts or feelings about someone/something and then I see them or something happens.  I'm not psychotic, telepathic or anything else.  I just think there are things we know that we can't explain and it's o.k.  Sometimes they bring goosebumps and tears, sometimes smiles or sadness.  Mostly I know I don't know anything and that's o.k.

Time...

Time has a way of getting away from me.  It seems I'm busy all of the time and before I know it, another week, another month has slipped away.  Already since January we have celebrated my birthday, Weston's birthday, Bailey's birthday, Tad's birthday, Presley's birthday, Gunnar's birthday and Gunnar's baptism.  Mom and Dad celebrated their 61st wedding anniversary in February, then we celebrated Tanner's first birthday. In March we had the arrival of Callie then the next day celebrated Trentin's birthday, Dad's birthday, spring break, and wow the year is one fourth over and we've been busy every single month.  We don't have any April birthdays, but Don and I would have been married 40 years the 25th of April...40 years wow!  Mom, Dad and I went to the Gilliam/Stover Family reunion in Nutrioso in April.  It was a lot of fun and it was good to see my remaining aunts and uncles.  Mom and Uncle Dennis are the only two Gilliams left.  Alvin, Carolyn, Sandie, George, Eddie, Van, Lawna and Cheryl are still left on the Stover side along with a whole bunch of kids. 
Easter was quiet this year.  Tad was in Nebraska working, Maggie and Troy stayed in Thatcher and Jenna and Weston stayed in Gilbert.  I had Mom and Dad over for dinner, it was quiet but nice.
I hate Mother's Day, I always have and I always will.  To me it is the day to reflect on my failures and shortcomings.  There are no do-overs, no taking it back, it is what it is and I hate it.  Tad got Ryker on the 18th of May for 2 weeks and it has been fun to have him.  Chelsea is in California with Robin and she has pulled Cache back out of Tad's life so we have the boys separated for two weeks which I think is bull s*#$;.  Ryker loves his dad and Tad is crazy about Ryker.  Ryker was pretty upset they other day when he was watching a dvd movie and it froze..."argh...Sadie got her finger prints on the dvd!"  I said what?  "Sadie got her finger prints on the dvd."  I was about to pull the movie out when it started again, "that's ok...it's working."  Poor Sadie just doesn't understand the rules about finger prints on dvds.  We went to Thatcher on Friday for the weekend.  First we went to Kamryn's ball game...the kids mostly played at the park.  It was fun to watch Kamryn, she's a pretty good ball player.                   
We were supposed to go on the reservation to fish but due to fires, the reservation was closed so we went fishing at a private pond in Pima.  The boys had a good time throwing rocks in the pond.  Fish weren't biting...Gunnar caught the only fish a small blue gill that wouldn't have fed everyone so we threw it back. 





The kids played, played, played and played.  We had 11 kids from 8 years to 2 months at Maggie's.  On Sunday we celebrated Kamryn's 8th birthday.  I can't believe she's eight.  She and Gunnar have grown up so much this past year.  I can see the wisdom in waiting until they are eight to be baptized...they understand so much more, they get it.  Kamryn will be baptized in July so we will all be back then. 

We have a few weeks off then we celebrate Ryker's birthday in July.  There were a bunch of really tired kids from the weekend, and Ryker will be visiting cousins, uncles, aunts and grandparents before he leaves on Monday.  I will be sad to know he's going back to a travel trailer but can't change that.  I'm headed to the valley this weekend for Callie's blessing. 

These kids are what life is all about!

Welcome little one...

At 12:03 a.m. on March 7, 2014 I sat up in bed and had the thought "Jenna is going to call in a bit...she's on her way to the hospital."  There was a 2:32 time too... well 2:32 came and went but at 5:43 a.m. I get the call "we're on the way to the hospital."  I jumped up, showered, loaded up and was on my way by 6:30 a.m.  I got a text right around 7:00 that she is here...Callie Young Farnes is here.  I got to the valley right around 10:00 and went straight to the hospital and saw our newest little angel.  She is beautiful.  Short darkish hair, long hands and to me she looks like Brinley. 

Best of all, she was born on her great, great, great grandmother, Cordellia Melissa Morris Stover's birthday.  "Nary" as she was known was my great grandmother and I know to this day I was a favorite.  She was an only girl, my grandma, Geneva was an only girl, my mom, Doris was an only girl, and I was Doris' oldest daughter.  I was thrilled Callie was born on that day.  She shares that day with my Nary who always called me "sister".  She was kind, loving, hard working, talented, and a wonderful cook.  I miss her even now, 30 years after her death.  I have felt her presence and know she is on the other side pulling for me.  Callie, you have so many people on both sides of the veil that love you.  I for one am thrilled you waited until March to make your entrance and on such a special day!  Trentin's birthday is on the 8th and Grandpa Gilliam's birthday is on the 9th.  She didn't make her March 22nd due date - none of Jenna's babies have made their due date.  She is loved by her big brother Gunnar and her big sisters, Bailey, Brinley and Presley.  She is number nine and won't be the last.  I am blessed and grateful she is here safe and sound.