My Baby Is 25

Do I feel old? Not EVERY day, but some. I'm in deep (#%U with Maggie. I left town at 6:00 a.m. on the 18th and spent the weekend at Sprucedale. I didn't take my cell phone and didn't get her called on her BIRTHDAY :o( and she was MAD. In my defense, she won't answer her phone before 10:00 a.m. so how could I call her and wish her a happy birthday? Any hooo...I did remember her birthday, and thought about her through out the day.
Her hospital birth announcement picture. A nice, healthy baby with red hair and blue eyes. Her dad had chosen "Andrea Elizabeth" as her name but when she got here, he said it doesn't fit. We were waiting on the nurses to clean her up and bring her to us in the recovery room and I started naming names...when I got to "Maggie" - Don said "that's it". Maggie didn't get a middle name (I don't have one either) but we always called her Maggie Mae - even thought of officially adding "Mae", just never did. Known as "Mags", "Baggie Maggie", "Margaret" "Magpie"...the list goes on and on. I've always said her song is "Maggie May" by Rod Stewart.

Born at 11:02 p.m. on Tuesday, September 18, 1984. (She shares being born on Tuesday with her sisters, Damara and Jenna.) My fourth and final child, she was different from the get go. Because she would be our last, Don finally agreed to come into the delivery room with her. He sat at my head and kept his head down on the pillow most of the time (he wasn't into blood and guts). Don and I had high risk pregnancies and I wasn't supposed to get pregnant with her but we did and she was my healthiest baby. She had B+ blood, different from Don, Damara, Jenna and Tad who all had A+. A fiesty attitude from day one, nothing has changed. She was a joy as a baby and I am so glad that we had the blessing of being her parents. Maggie has challenged me in more ways than I can tell but through this, she is my most compasionate kid. She is at ease with old people, I guess due to Mimi. A beauty at 5 months - red hair and gorgeous, big, blue eyes.An adorable three year old. I think Kamryn looks an awful lot like her mama.

Third grade - 8 years old. A joy to be around (most of the time)

She has had some real challenges in her life due to the choices she made and has overcome much. I am proud of her and the good mother she is. I am proud of her house-keeping. Her house is usually always neat and tidy (kid messes don't count because they never go away).

She is non-judgmental, but she does like a good fight, even if she has to start it or keep the (*#$

stirring. I am always after her for that, but I don't know if that will ever change.

Her wedding announcement pictures. Maggie has turned into a beautiful young woman and I am so honored to be her mother. We lock horns quite a bit, but she doesn't hold a grudge. She has so many good qualities - I hope she uses them to make life good for her family and herself. She is tall and thin and in many ways, reminds me of her dad.

I LOVE her beautiful red hair and blue eyes. She has Don's eyes and I see it more and more, the older she gets. I LOVE you, Maggie and hope that you know I do even when we butt heads. Happy birthday - Mom

Catching Up

I left town on Sunday and spent the week with Jenna and the kids in the Valley. We canned peaches and pears...left the applesauce for her to do or she's bringing the apples with her next weekend. Had a great time and hated to come home. Troy brought Kamryn down on Monday when he took Shannon and Saul to the airport so she spent the week with us too. The kids had a great time together. Kamryn loves "Uncle Weston" and always has. He took us out to Peter Piper Pizza on Wednesday night for pizza and games and the kids had a ball. They were too pooped to pop when we got them home.

I got home at about 5:00 yesterday evening, just in time to make it to Nola's for her "No Surprise" 50th birthday party. The girls had made red and green enchiladas, beans, salsa, guacamole and Lynda (Larry's sister) brought a really yummy squash caserole. Even though I just started my second round of HCG diet, I ate a spoonful of each and still lost weight!

This morning, Mom, dad and I finished the last of the corn. 35 more bags in the freezer. I picked Maggie up at noon and we went to the Stake Relief Society Christmas in September...missed lunch, which I understand is good, because there wasn't anything that I could eat there. We went to sonic and I had the grilled chicken salad sans everything but the lettuce and chicken. Not too bad and now I have to get back in the meal preparation mode so that the diet is easy to do.

I got a couple of signs for the girls to do and a couple of the ghost candle holders for them, too. They will have fun doing them.

Tad just got back into town from a hunt and will be going again. He likes to guide, I've always said he "lives to kill"...

Ed will be home next weekend - maybe on the motor cycle. Said his truck is leaking anti freeze and doesn't know why or how much $$. If it isn't one thing it dang sure is something else.

I am so far behind that it doesn't matter anymore. I have to start one day at a time, and before I die, I won't be caught up, but at least I will be one day closer. I missed the "fall" freeze so I was loving looking at the Escudilla yesterday coming into town. I have to get out on the mountain to see some color before it's gone. Amazing how quickly things change.

Have a good weekend and good week.

Pre Jamboree Ride

Before the Jamboree started, Ed, Todd, Kamryn and I went for a short ride. I haven't been out for awhile and I loved it. Kamryn had the best time...I thought that she would probably ride with Ed because when he is around she does everything with Ed. When she saw that I was riding my "nn nn", she wanted to ride with Grandma :o) - she talked about the "jungle" and then I explained we were in the forest like in Bambi and then she wanted to look for a daddy deer. Never saw one, but she saw a squirrel cross the trail and climb a tree and she thought that was awesome. We stopped for a break and she had to ride on Ed's shoulders.We rode from my house up Water Canyon Road to Milligan Valley Road down the Maxwell Trail and through Sipes Ranch and across Picnic Hill and into the Rodeo Grounds. Kamryn got tired just before we got to Sipes Ranch and I could tell she was about to fall asleep and we got Ed's army coat out and made her comfy and sure enough before we got through the ranch she was out and just out of the ranch we saw this nice little buck still in velvet. She missed seeing the daddy deer :o( We had a great time and the mountain is beautiful right now. When we got to the Rodeo Grounds she was still sleeping......Grandma in her "doo rag" kind of sloppy looking, but who cares, I had a great time!...Kamryn modeling the "doo rag". I am so glad that we can get out on the mountain once-in-awhile. Sure does alot for my outlook to see the beauties that surround me. I'm glad the kids like riding the "nn nn's" too, great family activity!

Post Script

I guess I forgot to tell you who the new Primary Presidency is - Amy Smith; Jodi Brown 1st Counselor and Becky Crosy, 2nd Counselor. They will be great and they have a really great new Chorister...Kyle Smith. He is a hoot and the kids LOVE him! Yesterday they got to cut his tie off at the knot if they sang loud enough and by cracky - it is gone. Talk about a visual lesson - Kamryn is still talking about it!

Released

We were released from the Primary Presidency today. It was a day of mixed emotions. I have truly enjoyed serving in the Primary and LOVE the children. Some of them really tug at my heartstrings and I will be sad to not be with them every week. On the other hand, I'm surprised they kept me this long. When Bishop Talbot and Br. Haws showed up at my house in January I told them they had the wrong person...I cuss like a sailor. I only cussed once after a Scout activity - I had all of the boys in my truck and they were buckled in (thank goodness) and had just dropped a couple off and we were on 2nd Street heading west to Main street when the chick in the green car with pink hub caps pulled in front of me heading to the Library. (Must have had a first-come, first-serve something or other, because she was hell-bent to get there). I was at the turn, a white van with a mom and her children were coming out of the library and the nut cut right in front of me...come on, how hard is it to not see my red truck? I slammed on my brakes, put my arm out to restrain any air-borne kids and said "SHIT!"..."Sister Maloy!" comes from the back seat. The nut goes to the library - the lady in the white van looks at her, looks at me and throws up her hands, I am about to have a heart attack. I hate the responsibilty of hauling anyone's kids, I am always worried that something could happen and I would never forgive myself if something did. If I hadn't slammed, and I mean slammed on my brakes, I would have pushed the green car into the white van. Ditz...don't know who she is, but man, when I see her now, I give her a wide berth.

Anyway, pretty good for 8 months. The children have won my heart, especially the Jr. Primary. Those little kids are awesome and loving and smart and everyone of them are CHILDREN of GOD.

Kamryn and I went to Elyse and Marian's baptism yesterday evening. It was so nice. Tammy's four girls sang "Love At Home" (an Allred family favorite) accompanied on the violin by Nate Walter (Emily's husband). Touching and spirtual. Emily spoke on Baptism, Ryan baptized the girls and Tristan spoke on the Holy Ghost and Steve confirmed them. Nate then blessed Hallie so that the girls' ordinances are up to date. I was honored that Tammy asked me to say the closing prayer. I do love my neices and nephews and always am honored when they include me in their family things. Kamryn loved going to Steve & Velda's afterward for the bbq. She and Trentin played hard. She is proud of herself, she is no longer scared of Steve. "Belda" is becoming someone she is comfortable to be around and she loves playing with "my friends"...the girls. The girls are so loving, they hug everyone and you can tell that Tammy and Brando are wonderful parents.

I am grateful for the blessings of the gospel, the blessings of family, the blessings of friends.

Have a good day and a great week.

Last of the Kennedys

This week the news that Ted Kennedy passed away brought to mind the Kennedy era in which I grew up. I remember being quite young when John Kennedy was elected president - don't recall the process, just that he was the president of the United States. I remember pictures of his young family, Jackie who was considered beautiful for her time and a classy dresser - her suits and dresses and her hats. I think everyone has seen the pictures of Caroline dressed in her little wool coat and John Jr. dressed in shorts. The times of dressing like that are gone for most people, maybe the people with money still dress their children like that.

I remember watching television and hearing President Kennedy's "ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what you can do for your country" speech. He is quoted from time-to-time. I remember hearing at school that President Kennedy had been assisinated and seeing for the rest of my life those pictures of the motorcade and the pictures of his wife and children. The conspiracy stories live and who knows what the real truth is. That is one of the questions I want to ask on the other side...and not that it's any of my business, but "did O.J. do it?"

A few laters, Robert F. Kennedy, who was running for president was assasinated and then you would see Ted emerging as a senator who made a name for himself through his many years of service. Sometimes the things we heard were not always as a public official should act - his extra marital affairs and the "we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, Mary Jo"...

We heard the stories of extra marital affairs of the President - we watched the family go through many struggles and probably thought they should have been above them. Bribery, accusations of murder, my goodness - their stories could make for a sit on the egde of you chair mini series.

I felt a real sense of sadness when John Jr. died and the horrible wait for the family as they searched the sea to find the bodies of his wife, sister-in-law and himself.

I have watched Caroline serve quietly and watched Maria serve quite publicly. The Kennedys have been known for service and for championing the under dog. They have a lasting legacy, be it good or be it tainted by the actions of some.

I guess we are all pretty much like them - we just don't live our lives in the public eye as they do. We too will have a lasting legacy and it will be known by the choices we made. Hopefully ours, too, will speak of service and hopefully lots of goodness.

I just got out of my truck and heard Ted Kennedy Jr. as he spoke of his father and heard his voice crack with the pain of losing a loved-one and it just made me think.

Today will be a good day...Elyse and Marian are getting baptized this evening. Tammy's girls are so sweet and I am honored that they have asked me to give the closing prayer. Hugs from those girls, ahhhh there's nothing better.

Tad is golfing with Larry and Duane. Ed is in Buckhorn. The kids are running through the house and playing and I'm just thankful for this day. Thankful for each of you. Thankful I hear the neighbor's lawn mower, thankful for the BEAUTIES that surround me.

Have a good day and love to all.

August 24, 1996

Thirteen years ago today our lives changed, never to be the same. Don's death has affected each of us in ways that we can't even describe. There are times I am so angry, no, mad as hell at him for checking out. He left us at the most critical time of the kids' lives. Jenna was 15 going on 16; Tad was 13 going on 14 and Maggie was 11 going on 12. I always thought the first few years were the most critical in a child's life and they are for learning and gaining the sense of who they are and where they fit in the world. But a teenager needs both parents, even though they don't think so. I know there were times after Don died that my kids wished that it had been me instead of him, heck, so did I. We balanced each other...he was the easy going, wise one. I was the mean, fly off the handle one. I bet the kids can count on one hand the number of spankings they got from their dad.

I get mad when they have trouble and need to talk to their dad. They have no one. Tad has a couple of good friends he will talk to but mostly not. Jenna, I think, talks to Weston. Maggie, I'm not sure about at all. With the recent trouble in Maggie's life, I think she had no one and that's part of her problem.

I get mad when a new grandbaby is born and Don isn't there to be grandpa...he would have been a wonderful grandpa.

I miss him so very much, and I always will. We started dating in High School and married after he got home from his mission. I thought we had it all. We struggled to have babies and he loved Jenna, Tad and Maggie so much. I always felt like I was the one who missed Damara - I carried her for 9 months then she died four days after she was born. He never got to be a daddy to her, so he was a good daddy to the other three.

I learned that you really never have it all. Satan is waiting for us to make one wrong choice and he's in. Unfortunately Don made some bad choices at the end of his life that ultimately took his life and it makes me so sad and sometimes mad. No matter what the choices he made, Don was a good person. He was kind and thoughtful and generous and fun and loved his little family.

I hope that before this life is over, I won't be mad any more. I hope that the sadness I feel for my kids will be replaced by the sweet hope of expectation.

In a short while we will be teaching the grandbabies about their Grandpa...the one that they never got to know here on this earth. They, too, will look forward to the time to see him, because he truly is somone to look forward to seeing again.

Hard as it is at times, it is a good life. Don wanted his kids to have a good life and to do better than he did. I hope that they know this and mostly, I hope they know that their dad loves them. I can promise them without reservation that he loves them and that wanting something better for them was part of the last choice he made here.

Our song was "Baby, I Love You" by Andy Kim...makes me miss him all over again. But hey, I love listenting to the oldies, you know our make out music of the 60's and 70's such fun times and such good memories.

Yes, Don, I love you and I miss you and know that you love and miss us too.