Today Don would have been 60..! No way! I can't even imagine him at 60. I remember him telling me once that he didn't think he would live to be an old man, and he didn't. I talked to Jeanie McKenzie in May and she told me she was 70 and I was shocked and then she reminded me that she is 10 years older than Don. Don in turn is 10 years older than Doug which means that Doug would have been turning 50 the end of this month. It's been a bittersweet day - I love Don with every fiber of my being, always have and always will. I miss him, always have, always will. I think we made a good team. He was my balance. I don't know what I was to him, maybe a huge pain in the butt.
This is Don...always had a good time.
Super heroes...Kamryn & Trentin
Yesterday was Halloween - Michael and Ashley's new baby girl decided to make her entrance early in the a.m. - the kids were all excited to put on their costumes and go trick or treating. I have photos from all of them - I had only one group of trick or treaters...they were all 30 years old! I had to laugh...Chad Crosby, Jared Crosby and Alan Millet. They were all in costumes, too. These special men all have a handicap of one kind or another so they have become part of the fab 5 of Round Valley...Chad, Jared, Alan, Richard Wiltbank and Philip Taylor. All very special spirits and I am so glad that I know them!
Today was election training day and get my hair colored day. I just kind of chilled - should be accomplishing something right now, but here I sit on the computer. One of those days.
Happy Birthday, Don. We love you, we miss you.
A Princess (Brinley) Belle (Bailey) and
Green Alien (Gunnar)
Halloween Memories from the past. The kids are growing up so fast. Gunnar and Kamryn are 6; Bailey and Trentin are 4; Cache is 3; Brinley is 2; Ryker is 1 and Presley is 8 months. Jenna's family is in Gilbert. Tad's boys are in Montana and Kamryn and Trentin are here. Many changes over the past year. Makes me grateful to be where I am and to be the MoMo of all of these little rascals.
Friday August 24th was the 16th anniversary of Don's death. I thought a lot about him, had teary eyes and kept going. I've done a lot of that for the past 16 years, thought about him, had teary eyes and kept going. I know that I haven't always gone where I needed to go, haven't always done what I needed to do. There have been times my heart has been so heavy I thought it would literally explode from pure sadness. There have been times I have cried until I didn't think I could ever cry another tear. There have been times I have gone on only because I literally had to. Most of my tears have been for my three kids who lost their dad at such a tough time in their lives - young kids and teenagers - they NEEDED their dad, they still do. Don was fun. He was kind, he was patient, he was generous, he was wise, he was compasionate, he was not judgmental, he was a true friend and he was a good dad. He LOVED his kids. Many of the decisions he made concerning work were based on what he felt was best for his kids. He could have made more money somewhere else, but he wanted for his kids something he didn't feel he had - family around. He wanted the kids to know their cousins and they did on both sides. He said they moved so much when he was young it was hard to have good friends, he wanted his kids to have good friends and they do. He said it was hard for him in school because they moved so much - he wanted it to be easier for his kids and it was. He wanted his kids to have a past and they do. I will only know if I'm right when I get on the other side but I know with every fiber of my being, he honestly thought he was doing what was best for his kids when he took his own life. He did not want them to be ashamed of him. He did not want to have people talking about him and his kids hearing it. He didn't know all of what would happen, but he honestly thought he was doing the right thing. I know that if he had been the true Don, he would not have done what he did. He would never have hurt his kids in that way. He would never have broken their hearts. He did not know that people would talk anyway and unkind people say unkind things and break their hearts all over again...he would not have wanted that for his kids. He wanted them to be active in the church; he wanted them to date and have fun. He wanted them to marry in the temple. I know he would have wanted Tad to serve a mission and I failed in not getting him there. I know he would truly be the best grandpa in the world because these eight little monkeys that have stolen my heart would have stolen his, too. I can only imagine the fun he would have had with grandkids...popping fingers, teasing, kindness and pure LOVE. Never once did Don participate unworthily in a priesthood ordinance. Never once did he deny his testimony. Because of bad choices he did not always live the way he should and he knew the difference. I can't imagine the war going on inside of him. I cry for him. Don was the true love of my life. I met him when I was a freshman in high school. We dated all through high school; I waited for him while he was on his mission. We married in the Manti Temple when he got home. We waited FOREVER to be parents. We lost our first daughter, Damara when she was 4 days old. We became better parents through that trial. When we had Jenna she was not taken forgranted. It was hard for us to have babies and we truly felt blessed with her birth. We were told that we might have one more but no more. Our blood types fought against each other (rh factor) and the issues were getting worse with each pregnancy. When Tad was born and had to go into intensive care within minutes we were afraid for him and never took him forgranted. With the "maybe one more" thought process I guess we thought we might be through so we were happily drifting along when we got pregnant with Maggie. She was a surprise, never a mistake, purely a blessed surprise. By the time she was born and our rh problems progressing we were advised by Dr. Shill and Dr. Tanner that this was the time to stop so I had my tubes tied and we felt truly blessed to have three perfect, healthy babies to raise. Don grew with every baby. He spent precious time with each of them. He would go home early when he could and watch their favorite tv shows with them (Sheera, Princess of Power) he would take Tad out to the barn and they would "hunt" together. He would hold Maggie and talk to her. He LOVED being a daddy. He was my best friend. He would call me at work and just bull $*% with me. We sometimes worked together, we played together - I love him and to this day sixteen years later I miss him. Maggie was 11 going on 12; Tad was 13 going on 14 and Jenna was 15 going on 16. He's been gone more than half of their lives and that is not fair. They needed him then and they need him now. We were married 22 years and before I know it he will have been gone longer than we were married. That's not fair. I needed him then and I need him now. I hope he knows how much he is loved and missed. I know he's ok and I know that Heavenly Father knows all and I KNOW that in the end, ALL IS WELL.
Here it is the 7th of July and Ryker's first birthay. This spring/summer has been so crazy and now it feels like summer is almost over. Gunnar will start school the end of this month and Tad will start guiding again in August. There have been many changes in our lives. In March Chelsea told Tad that she didn't want to marry him and has moved on. While this is heartbreaking for me as a mother to see my son devistated, he will come out of it and do fine. His number one priority is to continue to be a father to Cache and Ryker and as of this post he and Chelsea are working to make sure that happens. Maggie and Troy have divorced and she is pregnant with number 3 - hopefully this baby will bring she and Troy back to where they need to be. Kamryn and Trentin are beyond excited. I was in shock and couldn't say anything but as the days have passed I know that there is a purpose in this. Jenna and Weston continue to be busy with his business and raising their family. The grandkids are growing up so fast I can hardly believe it. Gunnar and Kamryn are 6; Bailey and Trentin are 4; Cache is 3, Brinley will be 2, Ryker is 1 today, Presley is almost 6 months old and I have to stop and catch my breath.
In May we started a small remodel here in my house that took on a life of its own. Now a bigger than we thought is starting to wind down. I love what we have done and could not have done what I did without Weston, Jenna, Tad, Troy and Maggie. They have all put some man hours into this project.
I feel tired all of the time - I guess its starting to set in that I am getting old. I missed the last step on my step ladder or something and ended up "ti*S up" and a split on the back of my head. 6 staples later I was back on the step ladder finishing up my project.
I'm helping with the Jamboree and the Trophy Elk Contest - maybe I am spread too thin...maybe I goof off too much? Who knows, all I know is I want a "calgon take me away" moment.
Hope everyone is doing well and I can hardly wait to see the pool at the Farnes' house, even though I will lool like a beached whale!
I had a rheumatoid arthritis nodule on my right door next to my little toe and over the years it got larger and more painful. It actually looked like a sixth toe without a toe nail. Bailey was painting my toe nails not too long ago and got to the nodule and was stumped on what to do; she would look at it, at me, and at it. I finally told her it wasnt a toe and she was done. Had that puppy removed today and am feeling pretty good tonight so far minimal pain. Hoping for a good day tomorrow too
Weston replaced the round bowl toilet in the kids' bathroom with an elongated bowl. I walked past the bathroom and Bailey was just sitting down and I heard her say "this is so comfy" I chuckled and went in down the hall wondering "what the heck does a four year old know about the comforts in the bathroom?" Jenna said that Bailey told her the toilet felt like "seventeen bucks".
Here it is the middle of February and I haven't blogged in forever! Let's see what has happened?..well in October Ed told me he didn't want to be married to me anymore so we are divorcing. It has been coming for a while and I'm ok with it. We are each responsible for our own happiness and not the happiness of others. I'm going back to Allred - and I like it. Dorlene Rogers Allred Maloy Allred DRAMA - that's me.
I spent Christmas in the Valley with Jenna's family. It was so fun to see those little grand kids excited about Santa Claus. Boy were they bummed out that they couldn't open any presents until AFTER Church! I have some pictures of Gunnar looking pretty grouchy.
The New Year started out with my birthday on January 2nd followed by Weston on the 17th and Bailey on the 22nd. I was back for her birthday and preparing to go back at any time because Jenna never goes full term on her pregnancies. The last week in January the dr. tells her that he doesn't think she will go much longer.
February 4th is Tad's birthday and I got a call at 2:40 a.m. that Jenna is headed to the hospital. At 4:01 a.m. Presley Dawn Farnes was born. I got down there Saturday and she is beautiful. She weighed 6# 6 oz. and is 20 1/2 inches long; lighter hair than Bailey and Brinley and not as much as they had. I think she looks more like Gunnar. Clancey McBride and Gage Wiltbank also have the 4th as their birthdays - now we have four family members sharing the same day! I stayed all week to help Jenna and to celebrate Gunnar's 6th birthday on the 11th. I cannot believe that my first grand baby is 6 years old. Where in the heck did the time go? Ryker turned 7 months old on the 7th; Cache turned 3 the day after Christmas and Trentin's birthday is March 8th. Dang Jenna has all of the kids packed in there in January and February except Brinley who turned 18 months old on the 4th - she and Presley are 18 months apart to the day!
I have been blessed far beyond my worthiness. I am grateful for my testimony. Ryker was blessed in October and it was so good. Grandma Mary surprised Tad and came up for it. Ryker received a beautiful blessing from his grandpa Peterson.
My dear Uncle Richard passed away on November 27th. It was a shock but maybe a blessing. He hasn't felt good for awhile. I am grateful for all that he did for me. He confirmed me a member of the church in 1972; he and Aunt Virginia went with me to the Manti Temple to be married. He has done so much for so many and my dad misses him terribly. He was in church the day we blessed Ryker. I know that he was able to tell Don of that special day.
Everyone communicates via Facebook nowdays and very few people blog anymore. I am sad, I liked keeping up but I guess the Facebook posts are as good as it gets.