Happy Birthday

Saturday would have been Don's 56 th birthday. I think about those numbers sometimes and remember that he always said he would never live to be an old man. 56 is not old and I wish so much that he could have been here to see our kids grow up and become the good people they are and most especially to be Grandpa to these four amazing grandbabies. I am nostalgic, mad as hell, happy, sad, heart-broken and never to be the same because of him. Yes, life did go on. But not the life I had planned because he was supposed to be a part of it. When I think that he has been gone twelve years and he left us during the most critical time of our kids' lives - their teen years, I cry for my own babies who miss their dad. He was a GOOD dad. Don LOVES his three kids so much and I still remember him teasing and playing with them. Don was good to me. Yes, he teased and played with me, too. I think teasing was a big part of who he was. Boy did I make some mistakes trying to raise them - yes, Don, too. The best part of all of this is that we did have him in our lives for 15, 13 and 11 years and for me 27 years.

The best part of our lives is happening right now. Our three kids are grown, doing well and we are being blessed with grandbabies. Don would have been a good Grandpa. I'm sorry that they will miss out on being teased and played with. I do my best to play with them, I never was much of a tease...you see I took life way to serious. That's just who I am.

I've been watching "Snow Wipe", "Seeping Booty" and "Winnie Pooh" with Kamryn. I chuckle when she sometimes acts out what is happening on the movie. She has an alter ego "tam tam", who must be the devil on her shoulder. Sometimes tam tam does things that kam kam wouldn't and so there is a struggle and the angel, kam kam wins out. Gunnar has finally started talking to me on the phone and my heart melts. To hear him tell me I Love You Mo Mo Sadie...ah that is what life is all about. Gun Gun as Kamryn calls him, is so sweet. A little reserved like his mo mo sadie and so darned smart. He has been "dowee" = do it for so long that Jenna calls him Gunnar dowee. Kamryn has always loved talking on the phone and when Maggie called the other night she was calling her mother "my honey". I'm going to the valley this weekend and Gunnar told me last night that I would be in his room (where else?) The only thing I usually have an 8:00 bedtime - he makes me go when he goes. Bailey Boo is growing up so fast. I can't believe she is 9 months old. Jenna will call me one morning with the news that she is walking and I will be sad. Maybe one day she will not be such a mama's girl and I can do more with her. Right now, it is Jenna all the way for her. Trentin is the easiest going of the four. He will go to anyone and has a BIG smile for everyone. He is almost 8 months old and is crawing and pulling himself up to everything. He will be walking before we know it.

Halloween came and went. Kamryn and Maggie were sick on Friday but Troy took Trentin and Kamryn to the 3rd Ward party on Garth Drive and then Maggie came with them when they came up here. Kamryn was a monkey and Trentin was a banana. I'd pay good money to get a decent picture of Kamryn. She goes out of her way to look the other way, move or be a jackass when the camera is out. Jenna's blog has pictures of Gunnar and Bailey dressed as a fisherman and a baby fairy.